by John F. Harrigan, Jr., M.S.
Want to feel better? You CAN, in an instant!
Most of us think our feelings and thoughts are dependent on outside events… and not in our own control. This is wrong, and biologically incorrect. We control our feelings and thoughts. No one else puts them there but ourselves. We can change our feelings and thoughts any time we want.
Our thoughts and feelings are a reaction to life events. This reaction is OUR reaction and no one else’s; we are responsible for our reactions, thoughts and feelings.
We often get stuck in habitual reactions: when something happens, we react a certain way again and again. When we fail to achieve or acquire something we want, we may get upset and worried. This seems natural and normal. But the failure or missed expectation does not create our bad feelings and uncomfortable thoughts, WE DO!
This can be a tough lesson, but we are virtually slaves until we understand that we control our reactions to life, that we are in control. Other people do NOT make us feel good or bad; it is our reaction to them. It is our choice as to how we respond. It is our choice of how we feel and think in response to what other people do. We control our feelings and thoughts, not circumstances and not someone else. We are responsible and in control.
Of course, a life threatening event will get a strong response from any human. But most of every day is NOT a life threatening event. In the modern world, even if there is a life threatening event, the situation is usually best solved in a civil and balanced way without “emergency” emotions.
So how do we change our thinking and feeling to a better condition?
- Become aware of what you are thinking and feeling.
- Decide how you want to feel and think.
- Initiate the thoughts and feelings you want.
- Repeat the improved feelings and thoughts.
Sounds easy doesn’t it? It is easy, but getting yourself to actually do it and practice day after day it is NOT easy. Most of us need and help and reminders… such as reading an article like this.
The first step is to practice calm and become aware of your thoughts and feelings. It is difficult to change something of which you have little awareness, so awareness is important. Awareness alone can change events. Simply becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings, simply observing will give you control and change the situation. Awareness is a powerful tool, and the exercises below will teach you how to develop it.
Exercise One:
- Sit in a still quiet place with your feet on the ground, eyes closed, in an upright but relaxed position.
- Notice how you are breathing… short and halting, long and deep, or neither? It does not matter how you are breathing, simply observe HOW you are breathing.
- Keep observing your breathing process and notice the change.
Observing your breath in a gentle quiet way, for a few minutes, will usually relax you. It will also begin a process of inner awareness and control. Do this exercise three times a day. Awareness will develop.
Exercise Two:
After you have practiced Exercise One for a few days, begin to ask yourself how you are feeling and thinking? How do these thoughts and feelings serve you; do they help or hinder your well being?
Do these thoughts help you in your day and create a good atmosphere, or do your thoughts pull you away with negative impact? How do you want to feel and think? Are you thinking and feeling in a way that helps you, in a way you enjoy?
Circumstances do not matter: Good situations come and go. Bad situations are the same; they rarely last forever. The question is: How are you reacting? How do you feel and think? Would you change it if you could? You can change right now in this exercise.
Think of how you want to feel and think, how about “happy” and “relaxed”? As simple as this exercise sounds, it works; try it. Begin to think happy and relaxed thoughts.
- Look at your feet, imagine that they feel happy and relaxed.
- Think of your arms, from shoulder to elbow, as being happy and relaxed.
- Imagine your hands full of pleasure, your knees being happy, your legs and thighs and your head at peace and happy too.
- Go through every inch of your body imagining it happy, relaxed and pleasurable.
Do this exercise for 5 to 10 minutes three times a day for 10 days. Write down how you felt before the first exercise; write how you feel at the end of 10 days.
In this exercise you are taking conscious control of your thoughts and feelings, your reaction to life.
We are all able to control our happiness regardless of life events, regardless of what is happening around us. We are intended and neurologically designed to control our feelings and thoughts and create a world we like. But most of us fall into HABIT, the habit of thinking our happiness depends on external events, when this is never true.
If we win a new car and react with happiness, the new car is NOT making us happy. Our decision to be happy in response to winning a car is what creates the happiness.
At any time, we can create the same happiness and satisfaction inside ourselves… regardless of what is happening in our lives. But we must practice this conscious control to have it.
A lifetime of random reactions to external events does not change in a day or two; it takes practice. Getting control of your thoughts and feelings can happen with sustained practice of the simple exercise above when combined with your will to accomplish this outcome.
